You can get involved, find out how!
You can get involved, find out how!
As a male biological parent, a father brings unique contributions to parenting a child that no one else can provide.
These are some of the most compelling ways father involvement makes a unique and positive difference in a child’s life.
The mother/father difference provides an important diversity of experiences for children. Dr. Pruett explains that fathers have a distinct communication style and interactions with children. By eight weeks, infants can tell the difference between their mother and father in interactions. This diversity en with a broader, richer experience of contrasting relational interactions—more so than for children whose only one parent raises. Children learn at an early age, through experience, whether they realize it or not, that men and women are different and have different ways of dealing with life, other adults, and children.
While mothers and fathers are both physical with their children, fathers are typically physical in different ways. Fathers tend to play with their children, and mothers tend to care for them.
Generally speaking, fathers tickle more, wrestle, and throw their children in the air (while mothers warn, “Not so high!”). Fathers chase their children, sometimes as playful, scary “monsters.” Fathers are louder at play, while mothers are quieter. Mothers cuddle babies, and fathers bounce them. Fathers are roughhouse, while mothers are gentle. Fathers encourage competition; mothers encourage equity. Fathers encourage independence, while mothers encourage security.
Fathering expert John Snarey notes that children who roughhouse with their fathers learn that biting, kicking, and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn self-control by being told when “enough is enough” and when to “settle down.” Fathers help girls and boys learn a healthy balance between timidity and aggression. Children need mom’s softness, as well as dad’s roughhousing. Both provide security and confidence in their own ways by communicating love and physical intimacy.
Go to any playground and listen to the parents there. Who often encourages kids to swing or climb a little higher, ride their bike a little faster, or throw just a little harder? Who is encouraging kids to be careful?
Mothers tend toward caution, while fathers often encourage kids to push the limits. Either of these parenting styles by themselves can be unhealthy. One can tend toward encouraging risk without consideration of consequences.
The other tends to avoid risk, which can fail to build independence, confidence, and progress. Joined together, they keep each other in balance and help children remain safe while expanding their experiences and confidence.
A major study showed that, when speaking to children, mothers and fathers are different. Mothers typically simplify their words and speak on the child’s level. Fathers are not as inclined to modify their language for the child.
Mother’s way facilitates immediate communication. Father’s way challenges the child to expand his or her vocabulary and linguistic skills—an important building block of academic success.
Father’s talk tends to be more brief, directive, and to the point. It also makes greater use of facial expressions and subtle body language. Mothers tend to be more descriptive, personal, and verbally encouraging. Children who do not learn how to understand and use both conversation styles will be disadvantaged because they will experience both styles as they enter the adult world.
Fathers tend to see their child in relation to the rest of the world, while mothers tend to see the rest of the world in relation to their child. For example, mothers are often very aware of things from the outside world that could hurt their children (e.g., violence, lightning, accidents, disease, strange people, dogs, or cats). While not unconcerned with these things, fathers tend to focus on how their children will or will not be prepared for something they might encounter in the world.
Fathers often help children see that particular attitudes and behaviors have certain consequences. For instance, fathers are more likely to tell their children that kids will not want to play with them if they are not nice to others. Or that they will not get into college or land a good job if they don't do well in school. Generally speaking, fathers help children prepare for the reality and harshness of the real world, and mothers help protect against it. Both are necessary as children grow into adulthood.
Men and women are different. They eat differently. They dress differently. They smell differently. They cope with life differently. Stereotypically, fathers do “man things,” and mothers do “woman things.”
Girls and boys who grow up with a father are more familiar and secure with the world of men. Girls with involved fathers are likelier to have healthier, more confident relationships with boys in adolescence and men in adulthood. This is because girls have a greater opportunity to learn how men should act toward women from their fathers. They understand from experience which behaviors are inappropriate. Girls raised by involved fathers also have a healthy familiarity with the world of men. They don’t wonder how a man’s facial
stubble feels or what it’s like to be hugged by strong arms. This knowledge builds emotional security and safety from the exploitation of predatory males.
Boys who grow up with dads are less likely to be violent. They have their masculinity affirmed and can learn from their fathers how to channel that masculinity and strength in positive ways. Fathers can help boys understand appropriate male sexuality, hygiene, and age-appropriate behavior. It can be difficult for mothers to teach these things to their boys.
Research consistently shows married fathers are substantially less likely to abuse their wives or children than other men. This means that boys and girls with married fathers in the home are more likely to learn by observation how men should treat women.
Girls with involved fathers, therefore, are more likely to select good boyfriends and husbands because they have a good model by which to judge all candidates. Fathers also help weed out bad candidates. Boys raised with fathers are likelier to be good husbands because they can emulate their fathers’ strengths and learn from their shortcomings.
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